When I last really wrote about my pregnancy with our little jelly bean, I outlined why I've been feeling like shit and that I felt guilty for how much work I've missed, while at the same time hoping that the entire experience was helping me get better at respecting my physical boundaries.
A number of people reached out to me with love and support. Thank you. Many of you asked for an update. Here it is:
I'm now in the third trimester - 29 weeks!! - and I feel good. As in, I feel better now than I have in my entire pregnancy.
How did that happen? Well, first, I got over the guilt of not working as soon as I heard the words 'danger of early labor' and 'need to see a specialist' (translated from German). I'll tell ya, when the life of my unborn child is at risk suddenly work concerns fly right on out of every window within a 50 mile radius. Almost instantly the guilt was replaced by thankfulness that I live in a culture that honors people as people and not just as workers, one in which I cannot get fired for facing a crisis of health or be dropped by my health insurance. In fact, I continue receiving my income AND complete health insurance through the government systems.
Additionally - and more importantly - deep gratitude that all signs of early labor have stabilized and our little jelly bean, while small, is healthy and growing.
And, second, I finally got sick. PJ brought home some sort of "kissing disease" virus that gave him all sorts of sores in his mouth. It was miserable; he survived on cuddles and ice cream. And although the doctor insisted that it wasn't something that I could get ... you guessed it: I got it too. Not as bad as PJ but I had one heck of a sore in my mouth. My body rallied and kicked the virus' ass and suddenly I felt all over better. I'm supposing my body needed a good kick to really go after whatever was making me feel like crap and raising the infection levels in my blood. Whatever. I feel so much better.
We have around 80 days until the due date, hoping that jelly bean chooses to bake for that long. And if she chooses to come as late as her brother, I hope I can remember the fear that sat in my heart for a few weeks while the words 'danger of early labor' waltzed around my soul.