Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Friday, April 19, 2013

The Least We Can Do

On December 14, 2012 the company I work for hosted the few thousand of us that work in the corporate headquarters for a massive and extravagant Christmas party. Unlimited beer, wine, and other drinks. Never-ending trays of yummy foods all over our massive cafeteria. A DJ that spun one hit after another, under elaborate winter decorations and a light show.

On December 14, 2012 a man attacked a kindergarten in Sandy Hook, CT in the United States, my homeland, and massacred twenty children and six adult staff members. I wrote about my initial reaction here.

I learned about the massacre over my smartphone while at that extravagant Christmas party. I dealt with my shock and my overwhelming empathy the only way I knew how at that moment: I put down the wine and started dancing. I danced so hard and for so long that I bruised all of toenails. I still carry those bruises with me on both of my big toes.

As the days turned into weeks and then into months, I couldn't sleep, and then I could. I couldn't stop crying when I picked up PJ from his day care, and then I could. I couldn't stop watching the news, and then I could. I couldn't stop imagining what those poor parents are going through and, you know what, I still can't. I couldn't believe that my culture could accept the ongoing massacre of citizens - even the shocking massacre of 20 children inside their locked school - as the "price of freedom", and I still can't. I couldn't stop feeling helpless, and then I could.

First I got more informed. I learned about the statistics available about violence in the US. I learned that there are a lot of stats available regarding car accidents as well as violent deaths of just about everything but not gun-related violent deaths. The stats aren't there because the American government voted to make that type of research illegal. So Slate started to collect the data. Turns out that over 3,500 people have died a gun-related death since the Sandy Hook massacre.

I learned about how people can buy guns, sell guns, collect guns in the United States. I learned about how mental health services are available or not in various parts of the country. I learned about how bullying is addressed or not in various parts of the country. I learned about how sex is blocked on almost all TV channels but not scenes of violence. I followed survey data. I watched and read various organizations and people speak about the problem of violence in the US and their suggestions for solving the problem.

Then I got involved. I wrote Facebook posts, tweets. I emailed and left voice mail messages for my representatives, senators, and state government officials. I joined an organization called Moms Demand Action For Gun Sense in America. I believed that together we would find reasonable solutions that respect our culture, our freedoms, our legal foundations, and our future. It looked like my belief was founded.

Then the Senate voted for the first time on a bill to standardised the background checks required for buying a gun. It was an easy vote for all of the Senate members because across all states, the vast majority of voters support the need to standardised the background checks.

Yet, the bill failed. The bill that the vast majority of voters - these Senators bosses - support failed. It failed because these Senators voted not to represent their voters but their paychecks from a very powerful and very wealthy lobby organization called the National Rifle Association. It was a set back towards a reasonable solution.

But I still believe. I believe that together we will find reasonable solutions that respect our culture, our freedoms, our legal foundations, and our future. Solutions that also respect those 20 children that will never turn 8 years old; that will never be held by their parents again; that will never laugh or learn or cry or grow again.

We can find and create those solutions together. But we have to continue the conversations, the discussions, the debates. We have to continue speaking out, acting out. We have to remain on the right side of history.

This is one chapter. One chapter in a long book that we are writing together. I hope you will join me in writing each chapter of this book. Because this little man - like all of our children all over the world and their parents - deserve at least that from us.

 

At least.





xo

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dance

I'm struggling, people. Struggling. I guess this is the time to dance.


My favorite part is around 0:10 when PJ pauses to catch the beat. The beat in my life changed over the weekend; I'm going to need some time to catch onto the new one. When I've picked up the beat enough to start grooving again, maybe I'll share what's going on in my own little dance. Frankly, I'm not sure what my own dancefloor is built upon right now.


XO

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Because I Can

I just sat with my little boy and nursed him to sleep. Then I held him. Sang to him. Whispered my hopes and my dreams for him into his tiny ear. Things like, "I hope you know your dreams and have the strength to follow them.", "I hope you always know and give love.", and "I hope I am here to share this wonderful adventure of life with you for a very long time."

And now, "I hope that you always enjoy safety at school."

Or more clearly said, "I hope I never send you to school and instead of learning or building friendships or making gingerbread houses, you are shot and killed."

And, "I hope I never send you to school and you watch your best friend die."

This is not about gun control. This is not about universal health care services and availability. This is not about stopping the gap as it widens between those that Have and those that Have Not. This is not about getting to know the people we live next to. This is not about limiting video games and movies that are violent just to be violent.

This is about massacre prevention. This is about the too-many-to-count people who have died in vain, in places like schools, movie theaters, restuarants, malls, places of worship across the United States of America. This is about not allowing these children to have died in vain. Look at those ages.

Daniel Barden, 7
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Madeleine F. Hsu, 6
Catherine V. Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N. Wyatt, 6
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto, 27
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Lauren Rousseau, 30
Dawn Hochsprung, 47
Rachel Davino, 29
 
Look at those ages. Twice.
 
And before you continue reading, take a moment and look at their faces. Look at their faces. 

Those children should be getting rocked by their parents.They should be getting held. They should be getting sang to. They should be listening to hopes and dreams as they enter their little ears.
 

And their parents. Their parents should be rocking their children. Holding their children. Singing to their children. Whispering their hopes and dreams into their childrens' little ears.

But they aren't. And they never will. Ever again.

That is not just 'not okay', that is wrong. It is time to have an open discourse about what is obviously, fundamentally wrong with modern American society. It is time to grieve, to pray, and to change.

Before I laid PJ down onto his bed, I closed my eyes and I prayed. I prayed for those children that will never be rocked, held, sang or whispered to ever again. I prayed for those parents that will never rock, hold, sing, or whisper to their children again. I prayed for the teachers. Those heros.

And then I prayed for real change. Like child abuse, this is a mountain I am willing to bleed on, die on. Because I'm tired of watching my society pretend what is going on isn't more than a series of 'mental ill' individuals doing something that is 'not okay'.


xo

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dear Driver of The Big Shiny Car

Dear driver of the very nice, very fast car with the license plate PF US XXX,


I will be praying for you and your family. Lord knows someone was out there praying for me and mine this morning. Otherwise I just can't explain how you failed to total our cars and kill one or both of us.


We both have families with little ones. In fact, they spend their days just across the road from each other: yours at the school and mine at the day care. I think seeing you with your child and carrying mine in my heart always, your behavior this morning is especially bizarre to me. Maybe you were just in a hurry, running late like I was this morning too. Or maybe you have a new car - it is a really nice looking car - and you are still enjoying its powerful pick-up. Or maybe you are a thrill seeker and seek out opportunities for a rush. I don't know why you almost ran me into incoming traffic by coming up so hard and fast on my right side in a zipper formation in the center of Schwetzingen.

Or maybe you are American and you don't know how to drive in a zipper or that passing on the right is all sorts of illegal in Germany? And that the speed limit is a pretty tight 50 kilometers an hour within German towns?

Whatever the reason might have been, we were both lucky (blessed?) that my grandfather rammed defensive driving into me between the ages of 16 and 28. Each time he rode with me, he drove me crazy with his reminders to pay attention - know what and who is on the left, the right, headed towards me and always repeating "its better to be alive, than to be right." 

For example this morning, did you see the massive construction vehicle headed towards us? Well, actually headed towards me before you whipped past me, partially cutting me off and mostly pushing me into the left lane. Have you ever driven a vehicle that large? I haven't but I did drive a tractor more than a couple times and I took physics in college. Maybe you don't realize that a vehicle that massive cannot stop as quickly as, say, your very nice car. Even if that driver had been the best driver in the entire world, he or she couldn't have really done a whole lot if I hadn't first seen you coming, aggressively, on my right and slammed onto my breaks hard and long.

Did you hear the screech of my tires? Those of the cars behind us? Did you hear the horns of other drivers, shocked and angry? Did you see the driver of the construction vehicle hit the breaks hard too? Did you see how close it got?

Did you see me survive?

Or were you already too far ahead, too focused on your own world, too ignorant to realize what you had just done?

I don't know. I just know that I am so thankful that someone was praying for me and my family. I am thankful that my grandfather drove me nuts. I am so thankful that I was in our very nice, big Mercedes this morning and not in our little, sweet VW.

Tonight, when I see my family, I am going to hug them hard. I hope you will to. We are so lucky to enjoy our families, to watch our little ones grow, and to be their parents. I don't know about you, but I want a lot more time with my child and my husband. I want many more mornings, afternoons, evenings, and, yes, even crazy, interrupted nights.

So, please, the next time you are behind the wheel of your fancy car, could you please remember your family? I assume that they love you, that they want more time with you, and that they are particularly happy to see you in normal clothes, rather than a prison uniform, and sitting in your living room, rather than laying in a casket.

And please, please, please also remember that your fellow drivers have families too and none of us want to host a funeral for a young mommy, especially for one who dies for absolutely no reason at all.

All the best,       Pickle
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