Meeting Family (Part 2)

Last week my family was here for a too-short visit from the US. It was amazing to spend time with them here in the Germany-land and I really hope that we are able to see them more often in both countries as the years go by. 

Having them here was also a huge help for me and a joy for PJ. I'm still struggling with post-partum and getting more sleep created a very quick and very positive change in my outlook. PJ loved that he was almost constantly carried by five pairs of hands that never got tired. He doesn't ask for much, just pure submission! And really, who wouldn't submit to this little one? 

He had a lot of fun with his grandma, especially on his changing table. Mom even spent two nights with us to take over the middle of the night feeding so that both the Mr. and I could sleep the night through. Talk about miracle worker!

 

PJ also enjoyed sitting on his great-nana's lap.

He also loved listening to his granddad's voice and feel his fingers play across his belly. Sadly, none of the pictures I have turned out. :(

While my family was here, PJ even permitted us to take him for a walk three different times! Considering PJ wouldn't stay in his stroller for more than 5 minutes at a time, it had been very difficult for me to get out of the house alone in hot weather. When it was cooler, I could carry him tied to me but in hot weather he sweats too much and is extremely uncomfortable. If we can continue to improve on the PJ-stroller relationship, I believe we will be on the best pathway towards full recovery for me and more happy hours for PJ. 

xo

7 Weeks (Plus One)

Whoops, I missed both weeks six and seven. Frankly, it has been tough and I haven't been doing all that well. Then my parents and nana (grandma) arrived and the days just flew. It was super hot and our little man got to hang out in his diaper. Adorable little thing.

It is amazing how much PJ has changed in the past week. His face is so much thicker and his cries happen a bit less often. He even plays with his playgym for a few minutes before needed some loving.


xo

PJ's First Victim

Little Mr. PJ has claimed his first growth victim:

This adorable pair of pants is officially too small for our little worm. Rest in peace.

Little man has grown so much that even my parents and the great-nana remarked earlier today that he has grown just since they got here six days ago. We are still struggling with how to best manage food for little man in balance with my exhaustion but he is growing, growing, growing!


xo

Four Generations

My parents and my nana (grandmother) are visiting us this week. That means four generations are together in one place together.

It has been incredibly helpful to have them here, especially my mom. Its true: when a woman has a baby, she becomes her mother's baby again and needs her mommy. I'm not looking forward to them leaving. 

xo

First Toy

Little PJ played with his first toy today, a little silver rattle we got at our family baby shower. First he followed the rattle while the Mr moved it from side to side and then it for a short period of time, enjoying the loud noise it made. We were very proud parents!

Reality vs Theory

Theoretically I'm not a fan of dummies / schnuller / pacifiers / binkies. But after a number of hours of this:

reality set in:

As a wise mother-friend wrote to me recently "one's ego [or opinions] isn't always compatible with one's moming".

xo

Update "The Ugly: Breast Feeding and Mother Guilt"

*Warning: Grown-up Language*

A number of people asked how we are doing with the feeding challenges that PJ and I have experienced. Thank you for caring so much about us; for sharing your stories and experiences; and for encouraging us to find what is right for us (and not trying to force one decision over another). I’ve learned a lot about myself in this first month of parenthood; one thing is how incredible my global community is. Thank you.

The long version of the story is too long for this blog, so here are the highlights.

Two Tuesdays ago was the artificial deadline I set for us. I had the chance to get some professional help with breast feeding and I told myself if it worked a little bit that I would continue trying to breast feed. If not, we would move to complete formula feeding. I felt good about the decision and moved towards it with some level of confidence.

Long story short: the professional help didn’t help - instead I left feeling more insecure and upset than I was when I arrived - but that person did send me along to another professional who did help. By listening. By being calm. By not touching me but instead by encouraging me to do what felt natural to PJ and I.

And suddenly it worked with tenderness but no pain. It was during that feed that I silently said ‘Fuck Off’ to all the professionals and the non-professionals who I had been trying to listen to instead of listening to myself. Looking down at PJ as he (very excitedly) drank from my breast and slowly slipped into a light sleep, I also said ‘Fuck Off’ to the hours of pumping.

Afterwards as I walked to the car I darn near chanted and then sang ‘Fuck Off’. When I got into the car I got even louder and happier. Not because it suddenly worked with breast feeding but because I felt good about listening to myself. Since then we’ve been slowly building up the breast feeding and slowly toning down the bottles. PJ seems pleased to be back on my breast - getting it from the “tap” as the Mr. says - but still gets quite fussy and gets one bottle in the evening. He is gaining weight and dirtying his diapers like a pro. I am pleased that PJ and I have a feeding solution that we both feel good about and am very interested in how we our relationship will grow and change over the coming days, weeks, and months.

Most importantly, I learned to listen to my heart and my intuition - and to trust PJ and his intuition and reflexes - just a little more. 

Now off to the challenges of sleep! But aint he cute when he does sleep??

Bye Bye Daddy

Today is the Mr's first day back at work after one month of parental leave. We are extremely lucky that we live in a place where that is at all possible but we are both pretty sad that daddy isn't in the house.

The Mr, however, seemed to take it pretty well considering the drama production PJ put on the majority of last night. 

But you know what they say: when the cat is away the mice will play...


xo

One Month Strong!

Our little man is exactly one month old today and he made a new friend, his pediatrician. The doctor gave him a very clean bill of health making all of us happy as can be. Little PJ has already grown 5 cm / 2 in and now weighs 3590 grams / darn near 8 pounds.

xo

4 Weeks!

Is it just the sleep deprivation or did this month last forever and fly by in a wink? This also marks the almost end of the Mr's month off work; we have one more day with his support before he has to work again. I'm not ashamed to admit I have no idea how PJ and I are going to manage it without him. Actually I think PJ will manage well ... but when will I eat, shower, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc?

Lets all hope he grows to LOVE this new bouncy chair and maybe chose to nap every once in a while. Until then, isn't he damn adorable?

xo

He's Growing

PJ may have my eyes but he takes after his daddy: long and lean.

I want a pair of these pants already!


xo