By Request: Update 3"The Ugly: Breast Feeding and Mother Guilt"

I have been contacted again by a few readers for an update about breastfeeding.

Holy freaking cool is that? People are reading this blog! Remembering this blog! Asking for updates! My ego rejoices!!

Yes, two exclamation points.

And ... back to the point of this blog. Back in July 2011, I posted a blog about my struggles with early breastfeeding. Then in August, I posted an update. Followed by another one in December based on request. Then I sorta let it die. I thought I had covered the topic and frankly, I don't really think about nursing that often any more. But it turns out there are people out there that want an update from a "normal" mom, especially after the whole TIME thing (link does not go to the original story, but a commentary on Huffington Post). So, here ya go, dear readers.

I'm still nursing my little boy who is now 11 months old. All those things that I was told back in the day and did not believe - easy, natural - have become totally true. Nursing is super, super easy. It is natural. It is awesome. Yes, I just wrote that, nursing is awesome. I truly enjoy breastfeeding my little boy and I know that he truly enjoys breastfeeding. Two very happy people. Neither of us are planning on stopping any time soon.

We finally meet the expectations set by the medical community and society in general. So, we are all happy, right?

Wrong. Because, strangely, once a baby hits six months old and then as the big, first birthday gets ever closer, the expectations change and the pressure to stop builds and builds and builds. Suddenly all that hard work and all that dedication isn't wanted any more: it is time to wean. Now. There is some sort of invisible (to me) boundary in which nursing is about the best for both mommy and child and into a strange, slightly incestuous world in which a nursing mother is forcing her child to remain reliant upon nursing because (whispered in heavy voice) "it feels good for her."

Yet, this ignores a massive and growing amount of research supported by leading organizations around the world that clearly and repeatedly states that a nursing relationship should continue for at least 12 months (the current majority) or 2 years (the largest growing group right now). And, more importantly, to me, the expectation to wean doesn't come from the fact that the baby needs to stop or the mom needs to stop or because that's how nature needs it to be. But because you, or they, are not comfortable with my baby nursing when he can eat other food, crawl, walk, or (god forbid!) talk.

Notice that the verbs are different: you, or they, want us to stop; nothing needs us to do so. I'm happy. PJ is happy. So, frankly and with love in my words: please respect that I am doing the best for my child. If you don't agree, I grant you full permission to complain about it to someone else that will never tell me about it. And we will all win.

But vent aside, the nature of our nursing relationship is changing. Now that I am working and PJ is snacking more, our nursing sessions are slowly reducing during the day. Thankfully we are able to gently reduce and the Mr. is supportive of helping us through the transition. For example, this past week I was in a full-day workshop from Wednesday to Friday that cut out our late morning session. To help ease the transition, the Mr. brought little man to the workshop at lunch time for the afternoon nursing session. That's support. Additionally, when we are out-and-about PJ is offered a snack before nursing and many times that's enough. But when its not, its not and we nurse.

Although many people with no experience in being a working and nursing mother have told me that continuing our nursing will be "impossible" - I know that it is possible: I have found role models in strong, confident, professional women who even travel and still nurse their children far past the one year mark. To them I look and to them I am thankful.

To those readers that asked for an update: Thank you. I hope I met your expectations. In the end, my key message for you is: if you want to breastfeed your baby, it will most likely start out really tough. Growth spurts will be tough. But stick it out. Ask for help from people who have not only breastfed but support your hopes (whatever they are). It gets better; actually it gets great. Natural. Easy. Real.

For everyone else: thanks for reading.

Happy mommy and happy baby

xo

Oh, and I still fucking hate that damn pump. I doubt that will ever get better.

By Request: Update 2 "The Ugly: Breast Feeding and Mother Guilt"

*Warning: Grown-up language and a nursing picture*

You may or may not remember the struggles with breastfeeding that little man and I had at the start of outside-adventure together. A few of you definitely do because I've been asked recently for another update.

The reader's digest version: I like breastfeeding. PJ likes breastfeeding. The struggle was worth it. I am proud of us. To all new and about-to-be mothers, I recommend giving nursing a damn good shot.

The longer version is somewhat more complicated:

PJ was exclusively breastfed for about 6 weeks before he started stealing food and we introduced solids. He still nurses anywhere from eight to ten times a day and is gleeful (seriously, he giggles and wiggles around with joy) when he starts to nurse. Breastfeeding doesn't hurt anymore - it should NEVER hurt after the initial soreness and once the relationship is established - and I enjoy the spike of relaxing hormones during and after each nursing session. I love the growing weight of my little man in my arms and I love dosing off while he wraps his tiny fingers around my thumb. I love how when he is finished he dramatically smacks off and then cuddles his head against my breast with a satisfied smile. I even like when he wiggles and giggles through an entire meal. I love how convenient and simple nursing has become for us both. I'm looking forward to the day when PJ starts to reliable sleep more than three hours at a time - and Lord knows there are times I wish I could unscrew one of my ladies and hand it to the Mr so that he could take over the 3 or 4am feeding - but I'm extremely thankful that our nursing relationship works.

As the weeks somehow fly by, I become even more grateful for the love from the Mr., the real information and foundational support from the La Leche League, and for the encouragement that I got from a myriad of people, both in real life and over the Internet. I kept going because I am incredibly stubborn and strong willed but your back-up and support as well as your permission to turn to formula made my stubbornness a little less than insane. I don't know how to say thank you enough.

But I am also becoming even more pissed off for the shitty information and treatment I got from the "established" medical community. Some of that treatment included:

• smashing PJ's face so hard into my breast that he got scared of my breast ... as well as holding my breast so tightly while smashing my infant's face against me that I literally had a bruise the shape of said "professional lactation consultant's" hand on my breast for a number of days.
• hurtful statements that broke my confidence like "well, I guess you just aren't cut out for nursing" when sore nipples are pretty normal for a first time mom
  
• alarmist and untrue statements like "he isn't getting enough to eat!" while he was gaining weight just fine
  
• retarded statements like "wait 1.5 hours so that he is really hungry" when he needed to suckle for more milk and comfort and I needed him to demand more milk AND "you need to pump to stimulate more milk" when I didn't need to pump I needed my baby on my breast
  

What I really needed was to hear "this is so normal" and "it takes a little bit of time and skill but you two will do this" and other informed and true statements. Thankfully I did, finally.

In the end it took us about 10 weeks for our relationship to really get established (the pain completely gone, his latch regularly successful, I aware of his early hungry signs, etc). With a good support system and without horrible advice at the beginning, I think it may take less for others. So, yeah, I recommend giving nursing a damn good shot. But even more I recommend doing what is right for you, for your child, and for your family. And only you know what that may be. For us that was breastfeeding with supplementing and then breastfeeding exclusively and now breastfeeding while introducing little man to solid foods.

At 6 weeks, when nursing just started working.

Just yesterday at 23 weeks

xo
Oh, and I still fucking hate that damn pump.