By Request: Update 3"The Ugly: Breast Feeding and Mother Guilt"

I have been contacted again by a few readers for an update about breastfeeding.

Holy freaking cool is that? People are reading this blog! Remembering this blog! Asking for updates! My ego rejoices!!

Yes, two exclamation points.

And ... back to the point of this blog. Back in July 2011, I posted a blog about my struggles with early breastfeeding. Then in August, I posted an update. Followed by another one in December based on request. Then I sorta let it die. I thought I had covered the topic and frankly, I don't really think about nursing that often any more. But it turns out there are people out there that want an update from a "normal" mom, especially after the whole TIME thing (link does not go to the original story, but a commentary on Huffington Post). So, here ya go, dear readers.

I'm still nursing my little boy who is now 11 months old. All those things that I was told back in the day and did not believe - easy, natural - have become totally true. Nursing is super, super easy. It is natural. It is awesome. Yes, I just wrote that, nursing is awesome. I truly enjoy breastfeeding my little boy and I know that he truly enjoys breastfeeding. Two very happy people. Neither of us are planning on stopping any time soon.

We finally meet the expectations set by the medical community and society in general. So, we are all happy, right?

Wrong. Because, strangely, once a baby hits six months old and then as the big, first birthday gets ever closer, the expectations change and the pressure to stop builds and builds and builds. Suddenly all that hard work and all that dedication isn't wanted any more: it is time to wean. Now. There is some sort of invisible (to me) boundary in which nursing is about the best for both mommy and child and into a strange, slightly incestuous world in which a nursing mother is forcing her child to remain reliant upon nursing because (whispered in heavy voice) "it feels good for her."

Yet, this ignores a massive and growing amount of research supported by leading organizations around the world that clearly and repeatedly states that a nursing relationship should continue for at least 12 months (the current majority) or 2 years (the largest growing group right now). And, more importantly, to me, the expectation to wean doesn't come from the fact that the baby needs to stop or the mom needs to stop or because that's how nature needs it to be. But because you, or they, are not comfortable with my baby nursing when he can eat other food, crawl, walk, or (god forbid!) talk.

Notice that the verbs are different: you, or they, want us to stop; nothing needs us to do so. I'm happy. PJ is happy. So, frankly and with love in my words: please respect that I am doing the best for my child. If you don't agree, I grant you full permission to complain about it to someone else that will never tell me about it. And we will all win.

But vent aside, the nature of our nursing relationship is changing. Now that I am working and PJ is snacking more, our nursing sessions are slowly reducing during the day. Thankfully we are able to gently reduce and the Mr. is supportive of helping us through the transition. For example, this past week I was in a full-day workshop from Wednesday to Friday that cut out our late morning session. To help ease the transition, the Mr. brought little man to the workshop at lunch time for the afternoon nursing session. That's support. Additionally, when we are out-and-about PJ is offered a snack before nursing and many times that's enough. But when its not, its not and we nurse.

Although many people with no experience in being a working and nursing mother have told me that continuing our nursing will be "impossible" - I know that it is possible: I have found role models in strong, confident, professional women who even travel and still nurse their children far past the one year mark. To them I look and to them I am thankful.

To those readers that asked for an update: Thank you. I hope I met your expectations. In the end, my key message for you is: if you want to breastfeed your baby, it will most likely start out really tough. Growth spurts will be tough. But stick it out. Ask for help from people who have not only breastfed but support your hopes (whatever they are). It gets better; actually it gets great. Natural. Easy. Real.

For everyone else: thanks for reading.

Happy mommy and happy baby

xo

Oh, and I still fucking hate that damn pump. I doubt that will ever get better.

On Special, Repeated Request

Dear Readers,

I may not always understand your requests, but I do my best to honor them. This request came through a number of times in the last few days, so here it is: a new picture of my belly.

Just for you - keep those requests coming!



xo

The Importance of Friends, a Sense of Humor, and the Movie Office Space

As previously mentioned, I work in the German corporate world. I’m coming up on my sixth year of living this life and some days I admit I get a little arrogant and think: “Okay, after this nothing can surprise me. I’ve now seen or heard it all: the surprising, the inspiring, the shocking, the embarrassing, and the soul-damaging.”

And then something happens to prove me wrong. Recently that something happened to me. For reasons like professionalism and confidentially agreement and the like, I can’t share the details here on my public blog with some 200 readers a post. Just know that this something really rocked my little boat and threw me for a number of loops.

So I turned to the three things that you absolutely must have to survive working in the corporate world: friends you don’t work with; a sense of humor; and the movie Office Space*.

Friends that you don’t work with are critically, critically important. The friends you work with are just too damn involved and will get all emotional discussing the something. You don’t need that. I mean, you do at some point – but not at that moment of survival. If you’re lucky you’ll have friends, but in the worst case scenario, you gotta have one. When the something happens, you need to pick up the phone and give that friend a call and you need to share the story (obviously respecting the confidentially that your company deserves). That friend should say things like, “that’s crazy” or “that’s great” or “fück!ng ‘eh!” that shows you that you aren’t that something and your shock/awe/damaged soul is totally normal.

But then you also need to bring your sense of humor to the conversation and to work in general. I will not and you will not survive the insanity without a sense of humor. It can be black humor, childish humor, German humor (yes, it does exist)…but you gotta have one. Seriously. Because if you can’t start laughing at the something while talking to your friend – or even, better while the something is happening - well, you’ve got quite a problem. If your sense of humor is starting to slip, then your friend needs to help you bring them back (which is why friends are the most important of the three).

When all else fails, the something has happened and thrown you for a loop, your friends are all out of town or too crazy to help you out – then you gotta solve the problem yourself. To do so (or just to help you out in that moment of need) you need a copy of the movie Office Space. Not NetFlix or LoveFilm or your local rental place or at your friend's place. You need a copy for yourself that you can watch in full or just a few minutes of every time you need it.

And you will need it. Trust me.

When you are really lucky and you’ve managed to balance all three of these things, your friend will not only listen to the something, help you remember and enjoy your sense of humor, but she will surprise you will a red stapler just like Milton's from Office Space for your office.

I’m really lucky.

xo
*The German title is Alles Routine

Home Improvement Part II

Last week the Mr. and I finally bowed to extreme, continuous, and universal peer pressure. After 1149 days of living in the apartment we now own we took the leap and hung up a living room ceiling lamp.

We really should have tallied the number of people who asked us when we were "going to hang up a lamp already". The offending before picture:

The during picture (are there other countries where hanging up a lamp is considered a normal skill?):

Since we were into home improvement again, we decided to jump with both feet in and conquer the book chaos which was significantly worse than the already conquered towel chaos of Summer 2010. I read a lot, and I have a lot of books. Without book shelves, that meant we had a significant amount of books in piles all around the apartment. So, the Mr. spared himself more bruised toes and surprised me with book shelves for my 30th birthday!

It has been a treasure hunt to locate all the piles of books. I've discovered that I have quite the skill in creatively misusing space for books. By the time we locate them all - and who knows when that will be - those shelves will be bursting full. Do you think the Mr. will start talking about getting rid of some of them then?

*shudder*

Back to happier thoughts: surprisingly for anything IKEA, not one single argument took place during the ‘building’ of these shelves, there were no missing pieces, and it took less than half our lives to put together.

Thanks again to the Mr for the amazing birthday gift.


xo

Ps. Torsten – this one’s for you. Special requests will always be listened to and sometimes acted upon.

On Request - Wonderful Whistler

Based on popular (meaning one) request, here is some more from Wonderful Whistler.

The Olympic rings, looking even more fabulous with three lovely ladies decorating them:

The ultimate downhill bike route:

Clear, clear water. Sure it was also cold:

What a bear of some ladies!

xo



New Years Eve!

New Years Eve in Germany has a certain charm. First there are about four weeks of everyone asking everyone what they are doing on New Years Eve but not making any concrete plans unless plane tickets are involved.

Then in the last three days suddenly everyone has definite ideas of what they want to do and still no plans. On the second to last day everyone finally has their plans....sorta. You really only know if people have finalized their plans when they show up. :D

The usual night looks like:
1. Dinner together to eat and drink far too much. This year we hosted at our house with raclette.
2. The entire group scrambles towards an open area with X bottles of sekt and X*30 fireworks. For the next 20 minutes everyone puts off the fireworks with more or less success – and the people in the area duck and weave with astounding success considering the alcohol content*

Yes, you read that correctly: drunk people with their families put off fireworks and everything works out just fine. Each and every year. In fact, in my five years of celebrating New Years Eve here I’ve never experienced something as little as a broken sekt glass. I have, however, dramatically improved my duck and weave moves.

Hope your entry into 2010 has been fabulous! This is going to be a good year.

*on a side note, I’m pretty sure the average German could teach a number of NFL players about the duck and weave move. Especially with full hands.



xo

On Request

In exchange for making me smile earlier today although I'm feeling quite crappy - a picture of my baby brother, also known as Bubby. On his request (or better said complaint).

xo