The Halfway Mark

My pregnancy with our little jelly bean is half-way through. Today I’ve hit 20 weeks (the 21^st week for you Germans out there).  Half-way through. Wow.

 

This pregnancy has been different from my pregnancy with PJ. The first trimester was ugly: I missed nine weeks of work (!!) due to recurring strep throat, followed by too much weight loss, irregular blood pressure, some not-too-serious heart issues (mine), significant vomiting, and almost constant nausea.

Thankfully my mom was here for part of the time and the Mr. is patient. Because I am not an easy sick person; I am, however, an excellent complainer about being sick. Right, mom?

The second trimester has been going much better – because really, Einstein hit the nail on the head, everything is relative – but it still isn’t what I would call “easy”.  Last time I flew to Ireland, Russia, and the US during the second trimester. This time I’m not permitted to fly and my doctor encouraged me to stay relatively close (think: Germany, northern Italy, eastern France and the like). Thankfully the vomiting has stopped but I’m still dealing with irregular and short waves of nausea, flat out exhaustion, unpleasant stomach issues, continued blood pressure stuff, and now daily shooting pain in my back and left leg.

 

Pregnancy, how glamorous.

We’ve managed some of the symptoms by permitting me to be lazy (with a limited bad conscious). That means while I'm laid up on the couch, PJ is goofing around and often a movie is running. He can call out some of the lines in Monsters Inc; has shown a real liking to Ratatouille; and can sing and dance along to a German early morning cartoon called Kika. He even has a movie-watching chair. I'm not sure that is something to be proud of but we're getting on together.

 

Those problems also mean that a number of those garden projects that need to get done this spring have been one-man jobs. Let  it be known that the Mr. does NOT enjoy garden projects and suffers from some pretty nasty allergies. So it is impressive that he is doing the garden work on his own - sneezing the entire time - while I take pictures and try to keep my “suggestions” of how he could (read: should) be doing the work to myself. Very impressive.

One of the garden projects that the Mr. has done alone, before...

 

 

...and after.

And lastly, all these negative symptoms led to a larger tweak in our diet for the last two weeks. I have a tough time absorbing fructose, like that found in High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), household sugar, and fruit. Most of the time I can remain in my 'okay' range by balancing the amount fructose in my diet through avoiding HFCS almost completely and thoughtful choosing my other foods. Other time, like during periods of stress (like this pregnancy), I can't and I need to be strict and go almost fructose-free to flush out my system, meaning: nothing packaged (not hard for us), nothing homemade with household sugar (a little harder but I can replace the sugar with glucose), no fresh or dried fruit, honey, or juice, (hard), and no garlic or onions (the hardest part).

Since we eat as a family, that means that the Mr. has also been going without his garlic and onions at dinner. Bless him.

But what it also means is unlimited fresh sushi!! Yeah!!

Lots of vegetarian, pregnant-lady-friendly options.

 

See, it isn’t all bad.

 

I do, also, have that lovely glowing skin and my hair shines like I’ve gotten prepped for a Pantene commercial.  And I can feel the baby moving and stretching in there. And the Mr. can occassionally feel the jelly bean poking around too. And we got to see his/her face on a 3D scan (those are so cool). And PJ runs up to pat my “baby belly” and sometimes he insists that he has to kiss it too.

Yup, it’s not all bad. In fact, it’s pretty great. I’m growing a human and no matter how I look at that, all I see is a miracle.

 

XO

 

A Bed to Dream About

I put a lot of importance and value on a good bed because I enjoying spending long hours reading, talking on the phone, sleeping, and other stuff in my bed. I use to love eating in my bed, under the covers, feeling decadent, but when I started sharing one with the Mr, he put a dramatic stop to that. At least he made it up to me by bringing an excellent bed into our shared apartment.

Our bed is excellent: simple and handmade in warm wood, with a mattress that is soft enough to hug me but hard enough to hold me up. Yet, while in Ireland, staying at the lovely Mount Vernon, I got to sleep in a bed to dream about. The mattress was just as good as the bed is beautiful. The house is charming and the hosts welcoming but it was the bed that was the toughest to leave behind.

xo

Forget Perfection - I'm Just Not Giving Up

Last weekend I attended a Work-in-Progress Writers Studio for my ongoing project. The studio was led by the inspiring Irene Graham and held in a villa called "Mount Vernon" on the west coast of Ireland that was once owned by Lady Gregory.

The workshop itself was challenging and rewarding. We had significant blocks of time to work on our project in an environment of "luxury, peace, and tranquillity" surrounded by "fine antique furniture, paintings and ceramics" (to quote the first two links above). I left the extended weekend feeling refreshed and inspired, with much more written than I had hoped.

In this environment it would be difficult to leave any other way:

Yet, I, the one who sometimes thinks too much, did manage to leave with my head whirling and twirling, wondering if the goals and the dreams I'm carrying within my heart are improbable in the best sense and impossible in the worst.

The truth is that I am a child of feminism: I want it all. I want a family I'm present for and dedicated to; I want a corporate job I enjoy more often than I don't; and I want an active writing life that challenges and inspires me. On top of that, I want to like myself and remain in close friendships with some amazing women - all of that without empting my energy tank, ruining my hopes, or killing my marriage.

You that have told me my dream is impossible: I have heard you and I've realized that you are right in at least one particular regard. My "all" won't ever be perfect or fully in balance. I will get tired and I will complain and sometimes I will fail.

But I have chosen to listen more closely to other voices, voices of people who are balancing - and many times "only" trying to balance - the many pillars that make up the life they want. Like them, I may fail but I'm not going to give up.

There are a lot of people out there working towards your balance: What are your tips and warnings?




xo

Goodbye 2010 - You Were Good to Us

2010 is coming to an end and I, for one, cannot believe that it has already been one complete year since we celebrated the beginning of 2010. So much happened this year, most of it really good and some of it, eh, well, not so good. But like all good personal historians and people who chose to remain sane, I find myself concentrating on the positive.

The Steinbach Clan celebrated our first year of happy matrimony as well as many small moments of shared happiness like this one, this one, and this one. The Mr. also finally revealed to the world his dance moves.

2010 brought some pretty significant changes to how I view myself:

• I started responding to “Frau Steinbach” with the understanding that its me.
• I finally got unlimited German visa, more than seven years into this adventure.
• I started writing again – even trying some new stuff like fiction and attending two excellent workshops one in Scotland with Joanna Paterson and one in Ireland with Irene Graham
• I started growing towards the role of mother.

2010 did include a few sad moments. I lost a dear friend and faithful writing fan. The Mr. and I also said goodbye to our little Peewee. Happily, I reached 30 and finally broke the curse of crappy even birthdays. Thanks again to everyone who helped celebrate my new decade!

But we sure did travel a heck of a lot this year:

• Ireland
• Italy (where we came home with a little bun in the oven)
• Vancouver and unlimited Sushi (yes, it turns out this was my highlight looking back)
• Our honeymoon in New Zealand – there are so many blogs, but I chose the one that remained in my heart at the highlight
• London
• Scotland

xo

The Other Side

I was in Ireland this past weekend for a very intensive creative writing course. When I stepped into my rental car in Dublin, I saw this reflection on my windscreen:

The reflection is a clever reminder to drive on the left side of the road. For me, an American living in Germany, the left side is the “wrong” side to drive on, so I need the reminder, as silly as I found it at first.

Then I started to reflect upon the past few weeks. I am currently going through a personal change process, in which I’m working on changing certain thought and behavior patterns both personally and professionally. It is an exciting time and also a challenging time. I’m quite tired a lot of time because I’m questioning and moving deep, deep down within my heart and soul. Change is tough and change is draining.

Suddenly the reflection in my windscreen wasn’t so silly anymore. Instead, I found myself wishing I had something like this as a constant reminder for all of the other changes as well.