Heidelberger Herbst - What a Year Changes

Heidelberg rolled out the red carpet recently for its weekend-long, extremely full Fall Festival called "Heidelberg Herbst." Basically the entire city center fills with stands offering beer and food and beer and beer and ... getting the point? ...and tourists from all over.

Pre-baby we'd roll towards the Herbst in the late evening and enjoy a number of those beer stands. Now, post-baby we've slowly discovered that there are actually lots of other things being offered at the Herbst. Things like clothing and antiques and music and tons of different types of food. Even kids games and rides. Who knew?

Last year the Herbst was one of our first big outings with little PJ and my sister was here with us. It was the first time we took public transport with little man. I was shocked to discover that I never posted about our trip because it was pretty damn awesome. Better late than never!

Back then, last year, we took PJ out in the Baby Björn (please never use one of these - go with a baby-friendly Ergo or like product instead) and he slept as he had never slept before.

The Mr loving on PJ as he hangs in the Baby Björn.

There was all sort of silliness that happened. This is my favorite picture of that silliness.

PJ was just a few months old and we stopped on a stoop for a snack.

I can't seem to locate a picture of my sister at the Herbst and she was so fabulous at the Herbst. I can't believe that I missed taking pictures of all that. Anyways, for a reminder, here is my amazing sister.

You can't help but love someone with those sunglasses.

This year, we again took public transport. PJ enjoyed it quite a lot more this time around.

At first on daddy's lap for the food.

Later in his own seat, like a big boy.

This year instead of being carried the entire time, he started off on his own two feet.

Later we stopped on a stoop for a snack. What a differance of year makes!

Instead of my awesome sister, we ran into some good friends over Guiness at the Irish bar. Everyone had their own coaster. Everyone. PJ insisted. 

After ensuring his own coaster - and 'prost-ing' everyone five times - he took a tour of the Irish bar. I think he was more than at home. That sort of worries me but I'm taking it a day at the time.

After a bit of walking around we discovered a bouncing castle. Is there anything better? Try to find PJ holding his own as the smallest in the castle. He totally held his own and for quite a long time.

Right when we were suppose to be headed home, little PJ feel asleep in the Ergo. So we posed quickly....

and then stayed for a while. We might gone a slight bit bar hopping. But just maybe.

That may be a toddler asleep on his back. Or not.

Bar hopping does remain the best part of the Herbst afterall.



xo

Three Pick-Me-Ups

Little man appears to be teething again, which means less sleep for us all; a little more crying; and a greater amount of 'Mommy-I-need-you-now' again and again and again. This all makes sense; I figure tiny bits of bone cutting through layers of skin has gotta hurt, especially when little man can't really understand what's going on. However, it does mean that mommy needs a bit of a pick-me-up to get through those more challenging moments. 

Thankfully I've got THREE!

1. My parents-in-law surprised me with my favorite flowers this past weekend and they are still brightening up our little home. Tulips - in January!

2. A good friend and I enjoyed a wonderful Italian meal with good conversation and shared laughs this evening. Girl power!

3. GIRL SCOUT COOKIES are in the house! Yes, I did indeed order 13 boxes. Don't judge.





xo

Ruining Dinner

These days I'm cooking a lot of dinner and while doing so I'm trying hard to make it colorful and healthy. For example, tonight we had fish, potatoes, and steamed broccoli; a nice, balanced meal. In general I try to eat relatively healthy. I don't do fast food - in fact, I drive the Mr. nuts with my inability to order correctly at McDonald's (in my defense they make it way too difficult) - and with my sensitivity to fructose, most processed foods make me ill.

But I love me some brown sugar frosted Poptarts. L.O.V.E. And you just can't buy brown sugar frosted Poptarts in Germany. Maybe because something like that can't get much more processed or unnatural. That seems to creep the Germans out. Fair enough. But I still love my brown sugar frosted Poptarts.

Occasionally I get a care package in my mail with some inside. Usually they have gotten a bit beaten up in the international mail, are in a bunch of pieces, and I have to toast them in my oven. And I still do a little happy dance; they still taste super yummy; and I'm still sad when I run out (which always happens way too quickly).

So imagine my joy when an extra large box of brown sugar frosted Poptarts was handed over to me this morning at my MOPS meeting. Poptarts that didn't get crushed in the mail. Poptarts in one piece that I can - and already have - toasted in my toaster.



Sometimes you just gotta forget being healthy and ruin your dinner.


xo
ps. I still ate the fish, broccoli and potato. I need the calories for nursing. *cough*

Pleasantly Slapped

Wow is this blog really overdue. 

A few weeks ago, like, before Halloween (cough cough), we got to meet a beautiful new addition to this world. At the time that little guy was only six or so weeks old and PJ was just under four months. It was like a pleasant slap in the face to compare the two little boys: 

• pleasant because I couldn't believe just how far little PJ had already grown, changed, and developed
• slap because it all flies by even faster than I could have ever, ever, ever imagined

In fact, I bet if we held our two bundles of joy next to each other again this week we'd all be pleasantly slapped again.

And, oh, how proud the papas!


xo

Mommy Got Her Hair Did

Last week I realized I hadn't gotten my hair cut in about six months. Six months. With long hair that means: tangles, tangles, and even more tangles. Ouch. Since I'm celebrating my birthday (like that plug?) next week, I decided I had - HAD - to get my hair did. Then I learned that the hair dresser who has been taking care of me for years was off duty getting her masters. Double ouch.

After asking around I got a recommendation and discovered that the only appointment available before my birthday was during the afternoon when the Mr. was unavailable to take care of PJ. That could have been a reason not to get my hair done. Instead I swallowed big and arranged for our little man's first babysitter while awake. Thankfully Opa jumped at the opportunity.

Today when Opa arrived, I had to again swallow really big and walk out the door. Good thing PJ loves his Opa and cuddled up close as soon as he could. That made walking out the door a hella lot easier.

Thankfully the hair appointment went really well (and quick) and PJ was a happy camper until about ten minutes before I got home. I don't like when our little man cries, but it sure is good for my ego when he is crying because he misses me...and stops as soon as he is snuggled into my arms.

Thank you very much to Opa! I'm sure PJ enjoyed his time and is looking forward to another go at it sometime soon. 

xo
ps. Like those red cheeks? 'Cause they herald in little man's first tooth - it just broke through his gums!

Four Months

PJ is Four Months today! One-third of his first year is already over - remember when it all began?

This weekend I closed up the first box with the clothing he's outgrown, saying goodbye to all of his 0-3 month size clothing. All of those adorable little outfits, outfits, outfits, and outfits. As I carefully folded up the clothing, arranging and organizing, many memories came back, like this one, and this one, and this one.

And we are "only" one-third into the year - what will it be like in a few months? Thankfully I was told to enjoy this time often enough that I actually started to listen. Thanks everyone.



xo

Mommy & Baby

Little man and I were hanging out recently and I grabbed a quick picture. That's my little sweety-pie!

xo

Bouncy, Bouncy!

You guys loved the video yesterday - so here is another one! There is sound in this video as well - so don't open at work with the speakers on silly friends of mine (and there was more than one of you!).

Here is PJ when we first got his little bouncy chair. The concept of the chair, called the Baby Björn Babysister (creepy name), is that the baby can bounce the chair by himself. At this point in time, the chair did NOT bounce and PJ was not impressed with the chair.

Here is PJ in his very favorite bouncy chair yesterday. Not only does it bounces but Mr. Man PJ loves his little chair!

xo

10 New Friends

PJ has made 10 new friends: his toes!

Turns out the biggest one is also pretty yummy. Who knew?

And a video too!

xo

Mommy's Night Out

Last night mommy had another first: she left the house without PJ for over 45 minutes. The Mothers of Pre-Schoolers (MOPS) group that is helping rescue my sanity, I mean, I am involved with here had a mommy's night out. My husband, my sister, and all of the women at MOPS encouraged me to go, get out of the house, just be a girl again for a few hours. With some hesitation and trepidation - and just raw fear - I accepted the invitation, pumped like crazy all week to get two bottles for the Mr while I was gone, and last night I had my very first mommy's night out. All 2.5 hours of it.

When I got to the party, I felt naked, alone, missing a heavy car seat and a plunging diaper bag. On a positive note, I felt unbelievably thin too. I was greeted with a sunny "You made it!" and tears started rolling down my face. Thankfully I was in a welcoming, supportive, and totally understanding environment. I got two hugs almost instantly and then some concentrated distraction from the ladies. And these are Good People; I was laughing, goofing, and learning from war stories within minutes. Two and a half hours flew by and before I knew it, I had to get going.

I came home to a quiet apartment, a sleeping little boy, and a husband who welcomed me with a big smile and an understanding "I didn't get ANYTHING done."

Lets be honest, it couldn't have been any better.


xo

Hanging Out With Myself

Drum roll: At this very moment I am not in the very same physical location as PJ.  About 30 minutes ago the Mr. took him off to his work for some show-and-tell.

Applause? Because this marks the first time that PJ and I are in different locations since he was born in July. It took some serious preplanning because we needed to arm the Mr. with some breast milk and I’m not a “good” pumper. Which means, while I can quite well feed my child directly at my breast, I can’t effectively feed a pump. Which translated into three pumping sessions to get one bottle large enough for the Mr. to take with him.

Applause? Because I’m not clapping yet. Instead I feel a little naked. I dreamed of taking a nap but can’t; in part because the Mr. sprayed his deo in our room right before he took of and in part because its just strange not to have PJ here. I considered working on the book I’m scribbling but can’t; basically because I can’t concentrate on more than:
    “Is PJ okay?”
    “How is the Mr. holding up?”
    “Are his colleagues handling PJ well?”
    “Is PJ hungry?”
    “Will the Mr. know when PJ is hungry or will he wait for him to cry?”
… and so on.

Like this picture - 

I’m sure my men are doing just fine and I never thought I’d be one of the mommies that feels this way. I thought it was going to be easy to kiss our little boy on the forehead and take off for an evening out with the ladies. In fact, I very naively planned a sushi date for “6 weeks after birth” (that didn’t happen). Maybe I will morph into one of those women over time but right now hanging out with myself is a bit of a challenge.

I think I’ll go take a bath.

Final Proof: He Has Taken Over

The above picture is the final proof that PJ has taken over our lives. Its a little difficult to see but if you spend too much time looking you'll see that almost every hook on our coat rack is occupied by PJ jackets. Lots of PJ jackets.

And aint they all cute?


xo

Appreciating the Little Moments

PJ was born in July 2011. It is now September 2011. Between then and now – and unlike the mythology of motherhood – there have been more dark moments than moments of joy. Going into pregnancy I knew that I was at high risk for postpartum depression but what I did not know was that the support I thought I would need was far from what I really needed. I was also ignorant that breastfeeding, something I had planned on doing since I watched my mother breastfeed my sister, was a learned skill for both myself and my son and it is a difficult skill for us both to learn at that. There were other things I had failed to understand: the power and the pain of short bursts of sleep; what colic is; how much a new mother needs her mommy.

To say we struggled would be an understatement not unlike saying the Grand Canyon is „big“ and German „a little tough to learn at first“.

Thankfully, my husband was also able and willing to take the first month of our little boy's life off of work. I'm not sure what would have happened had I been alone. With him in the house, cooking, cleaning, shopping, encouraging, reassuring me and PJ (often literally at the same time), I could yell at him, slam doors at him, cry at him, and – most importantly – blame him for all this insanity instead of our little boy, just days and then weeks old.

Not that our son remained untouched by all of this. Breastfeeding was so difficult and so painful that I exuded fear every time he cried and every time I held him in my arms. Infants, like animals, react to our feelings and PJ's reaction was natural: my arms were not a safe place and he screamed for safety. Based on the bad advice we got during his first few weeks, I'm pretty sure he was also screaming out of hunger but that's another story.

I cried on the phone, I cried on skype, I cried going to the bathroom. Everything was too much and my world was wrapped in dark fog, a fog I hadn't seen in years since my last true depressive episode. I got scared and so did my husband.

"What do you need? How can I help you?" he kept asking over and over again, desperately ready to do anything to help Fix This.

"I don't know," I kept answering in many vague ways. Like so much, I didn't know what I needed or what would help.

Time crept past and after four weeks my husband went back to work. I learned about the La Leche league and got the patience, understanding, support, and expert guidance I needed for breastfeeding to become successful. I went onto Facebook and asked for support between 12 and 5, when my son was the most upset and I was alone. People - some of them surprising - started coming. I got up the courage to go to mommy groups. My mommy came for a visit. I went to my first MOPS meeting. My sister arrived to help.

And things got and are getting better. Breastfeeding is established and going well. My son has almost doubled his weight, grown out of his 0-3 month clothing, and had learned to smile and coo. And I have proven to him that my arms are the safest place to be. We all sleep a little more. The colic is basically gone. My husband is and continues to be an outstanding husband and father. I see and feel now that I am not alone.

Which brings us to a recent morning, 11 weeks into this adventure. After a rocky night, my husband, son, and I all laid down for an early morning nap. I nursed our little man to sleep and then I gently rocked onto my back, placing one hand on my husband's thigh. My right arm was wrapped around my son and my left hand was resting on my husband. Both of my men were peacefully, deeply breathing in their sleep in our dark bedroom and I looked at them both and tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought, "This. I really like this moment."

Here's to appreciating more of these moments. 

 xo

Things to Say ... and Not

I am in the double digits of motherhood: Friday PJ turned 10 weeks old. In the past 10 weeks I’ve learned a lot about myself, my husband, and my little boy. For example, sleep is really important to me but I can function/survive on surprisingly little sleep. Not well and I’m sure my husband and boy like me more when I’ve slept more, but I can survive. Also water is really important. Really, really important. Right above food. And just on latte a day makes the Mrs. a happy lady.

No big surprises there, I suppose, dear readers. But (at least for me) I’ve also learned that some of things that I said to others during their first weeks of motherhood/fatherhood were just rude. I’ve learned that by getting those same things said to me. Thankfully, I’ve also learned that not everything I said to others was crappy; some things were just great. Again, I learned this one from the amazing people who have given me support in person or virtually. To help remind myself (and maybe save you some time and hurt feelings) in the future, here are some of the top things to say and NOT to say. These lists aren’t comprehensive and they are absolutely formed by my personal experience, I could be missing some good stuff.


Things Not to Say:
1. Wow, I’m so tired.
This is particularly awful to say when you mean that you stayed out too late with friends at an awesome party, drinking excellent cocktails, dancing to great music, and flirting with adorable women/men.

2. Got any food? / I’m hungry/thirsty.
What?! You didn’t bring any with you for us? I’m a little up to my ears in the chaos of early motherhood and your needs are quite low on my priority list.

3. Babies cry.
Really? Thanks - you aren’t helping. I think I’ve figured out that all babies and especially my baby cries. For hours. On. End. But thanks for pointing that out. Maybe you haven’t felt the biological need to calm your own child, Mr Obvious.

4. He wants his mommy.
A lot of the time this is a GREAT thing to say but not when mommy really needs a break and baby is fed, clean, and is crying to cry. Which is why you are here to help, right?. And if you aren’t here to help, why are you here?

5. Yes, I’d like to help. Come to my house / Lets meet at [enter location here].
The first part is awesome but the second part is lame-o. If a mommy or daddy asks for help and you really want to help, hop in your car. A mommy that needs help isn’t a mommy that is mobile. And no one wants to show up at a café with sore nipples and a screaming child.

6. Like mommy, like child.
Really? So its my fault that he cries for hours on end? I appreciate that.

7. He doesn’t need to breastfeed again!
How do you know that? Are you sure? Because he seems thrilled to be getting some food. Do you mean that you just want to hold him longer or feel uncomfortable with my boob? Cause I’m too tired to read into what you really mean.

8. Oh, I totally understand. My dog/cat/hamster did that and …
Really? My child, your pet? Um, thanks, I think we aren’t quite on the same wave length.


Things to Say:
1. Yes, I’d like to help. Where are your cleaning supplies?
The first part is, again, awesome. The second part is amazing because it is a concrete and not a vague “how can I help?” Cleaning for me is an amazing thing even if I don’t really care if my  house is clean or not. Strangely a clean toilet or kitchen sink makes me feel like not everything is out of control. Thank you.

2. I brought food for you / us.
Thank you because I most likely forgot to cook or can’t imagine cooking anything or forgot that I’m hungry. Or I just want those 20 minutes my husband would have spent cooking to spend with him, pretending to be adults. It doesn’t matter what you brought. Thank you for bringing something, anything.

3. Breastfeeding takes so much and you are going a great job. (said with awe in voice)
You are so right, it really does. It’s the hardest skill I’ve ever learned and it is an incredible responsibility. I worked really hard to get to this point with my son and sometimes I feel overwhelmed so thank you for the vote of confidence and the encouragement.

4. Wow, its rough that he cries so much. May I carry him around for a while?
You are so right - it is really rough and even if I can’t lay down, just sitting down on the couch with the knowledge that while he isn’t happy, he is getting the movement he wants, helps me. And it is so respectful that you ask to make sure that you carrying him is what I really need. Thank you.

5. It will get better and you are doing a great job.
Again, thank you. If you are a mommy/daddy this means even more. Please repeat this to me over and over and over again. I will believe you and in the moments when I just don‘t know what I‘m doing or why, I will think of you. If you aren’t a mommy/daddy, this is still an awesome thing to say. Often.

6. Wow, you look amazing / You don’t look like you gave birth X weeks ago.
Thank you. I’m really not all that worried about how I look these days but a compliment is always welcome! Feel free to comment on my skin, hair, nails, just about anything.

7. You are really lucky to have your husband. You can tell he loves PJ and you.
Remind me of how lucky I am because I am. I’m too tired and tried to notice it some days and you reminding me - especially with a bit of warmth in your voice - is excellent for me and my marriage.

8. You are doing such an amazing job. / You are an awesome mommy.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Thank you - I can’t see it and I need you to tell me over and over and over again. Thank you. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
.

What about you? What would you add to either or both lists?

Sleep: The Good News

Everyone told us before PJ arrived how important sleep was going to be. At the time I recall getting annoyed with how everyone (it seemed) advised us to "sleep now!" with a knowing smile on their face.

Yeah, they were right. I stand humble before the throne of Need-To-Sleep-a-String-of-Uninterrupted-Hours-Soon (and that with the Mr. taking over one feeding so that I can enjoy one extra hour a night). But the good news is that as PJ grows and gets older and the colic goes down, he is begining to sleep more often and for slightly longer period of times. Not at night, yet, but during the day naps aren't quite as rare. Today he even slept on his own for about 45 minutes. Sweeeeeet.

Yet, his favorite place to sleep continues to be on mommy and daddy.

xo
and in totally unrelated comments: Aren't my boys just absolutely adorable?!?

How to Make a Breast Feeding Mommy Proud

Get milk drunk!

PJ is such an active little guy that from the 8-10 times I feed him every day, he only gets "milk drunk" and falls asleep after a feeding maybe twice a day. But it is such a great feeling when he does!



xo

First Toy

Little PJ played with his first toy today, a little silver rattle we got at our family baby shower. First he followed the rattle while the Mr moved it from side to side and then it for a short period of time, enjoying the loud noise it made. We were very proud parents!

Gettin Better

This picture pretty sums up week one: exhausted, confused, and overwhelmed with theory crashing into reality. Because theoretically I'm against binkies; you'll notice that my theory is worth about a dollar two-ninety-eight in the real world when PJ had another meltdown that I'm sure had a reason, I just couldn't figure out what it was.

But we survived! Still exhausted, still confused, still overwhelmed, but at least I'm back to smiling.

Yes, time played a role, but so did many of you. Thank you for not asking and just stepping in. Thank you for answering my desperate call for breastfeeding help on Facebook (even reposting my call for help). Thank you for the reminders that I can absolutely abuse my midwife with questions, questions, questions. Thank you for calling and leaving messages that it all gets better. Thank you for coming around and staying not-too-long or for still waiting - impatiently, I know - for us to finally get back with a day that works (this boy needs an assistant to schedule all his appointments already). Thank you for the food, cake, and drink.

Thank you.

Week two is shaping up to be a chaotic but far more enjoyable ride.


xo

Why I Work For a Global Company

This weekend the Mr. and I ran out of real maple syrup.

I picked up this bottle while in Vancouver last year for business. The quality of the maple syrup available in the average German grocery store is, um, not quite as high as one (me) would hope. But I didn’t panic because my first thought was, “Oh, I’ll have to ask X or Y or Z to bring some over the next they are in Canada or the US.”

Which is one of many reasons why I work for a global company. I mean the career opportunities, the pay, the daily on-the-job learning, the benefits, the travel, and the opportunity to work with colleagues from literally all over the world and all walks of life are all reasons I work for a global company. But really when it comes down it, it’s the unofficial import (PopTarts, maple syrup, Tums) and export (Haribo candies, Ritter sport, and mustard) trade.

So, any volunteers for a maple syrup trade?



xo

Moment of Beauty

It isn’t much of a secret that I’m (a little more than) ready for the Worm to arrive and the heartburn; cactus-y attitude; extra pillows; random, unnecessary projects; mobility issues; and vegetarian sushi to disappear. These past two weeks have been particularly annoying with bouts of nausea and cramping; lack of sleep; and a cactus-y attitude that has turned into a pissy one.

Earlier this week I was having a particularly tough moment and a colleague-friend stumbled into my mood. Her reaction? Here's a hint: it wasn’t snippiness or avoidance or offense.

Answer: it was flowers. Beautiful, beautiful flowers.

Thank you, Ms. Toes, thank you.

xo